Sony Ericsson S710a
I got a joke...
A trucker that's been on the road for several weeks decided to go the red light district and to a bordello. He throws down $500 and says, "Give me the fattest, ugliest chick you got and a chicken sandwhich with stale bread!". The woman is shocked and she replies, "Sir, for that kind of money you could have a 3 course meal and 3 of my finest women!". The man chuckles a bit and says, "Honey, I ain't lookin' for a good time, I'm just homesick!". 🤣
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Mike was sitting with his friend, Tony in the bar. Mike was telling Tony that their sex life with his wife was getting kinda boring. Tony told him, "well here's what you do: when you and your wife is "doing the deed," hide a starter pistol under the bed. When it comes to that boring point, shoot the pistol, which will startle her and get her pumped up." Mike decided to try this.
The next weekend Tony and Mike meet up it the bar. Tony asked him how did the starter pistol thing work. Mike replyed, "Don't ever talk to me about starter pistols!!!"
"What happened," Tony asked.
"Well, the other day we were in bed and I decided to give it a try. Well eventually it got boring so I shot the starter pistol. Well she bit my d**k, took ...
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The next weekend Tony and Mike meet up it the bar. Tony asked him how did the starter pistol thing work. Mike replyed, "Don't ever talk to me about starter pistols!!!"
"What happened," Tony asked.
"Well, the other day we were in bed and I decided to give it a try. Well eventually it got boring so I shot the starter pistol. Well she bit my d**k, took ...
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There's this guy who is riding this old horse out in the desert. Well the further this guy rides this old horse out into the desert, the slower it goes. The guy figures that pretty soon the horse is going to conk out and die on him. He looks up and what he thought was a mirage appears to be a monestary. He rides up, and tells the priest there that he's trying to get out of the desert but if he goes any further the horse is going to die on him.
The priest says, "I'll tell you what: I'll keep your horse and nurture it back to health, and I'll just give you one of my horses to get out of the desert."
The guy gets up on the horse, and says, "Giddy up!" the horse doesn't move. The guy looks at the priest and says "what gives?"
"This ...
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The priest says, "I'll tell you what: I'll keep your horse and nurture it back to health, and I'll just give you one of my horses to get out of the desert."
The guy gets up on the horse, and says, "Giddy up!" the horse doesn't move. The guy looks at the priest and says "what gives?"
"This ...
(continues)
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This boy and this girl were playing Hide-N-Seek. When they finished playing, the boy says to the girl, "Hey I learned this game from my parents last night called "The Parking Garage." "Oooh how neat! How do you play it?" The girl asked. So they ran into the girl's house to play.
15 minutes later, the girl's parents heard screaming, so they ran upstairs, opened the girl's bedroom door, and found the boy's testicles bleeding.
"What the hell just happened up here?" the mother asked.
"Well, we were playing 'The Parking Garage', but his car wouldn't fit so we tried to cut the wheels off!" the girl said.
15 minutes later, the girl's parents heard screaming, so they ran upstairs, opened the girl's bedroom door, and found the boy's testicles bleeding.
"What the hell just happened up here?" the mother asked.
"Well, we were playing 'The Parking Garage', but his car wouldn't fit so we tried to cut the wheels off!" the girl said.
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Eww....... HAHAHAHAHA that's kinda gross but funny as hell! 🤣
An Italian guy, Gay guy, and a Jewish guy all go to hell and the Devil says, "I'll make a deal with you 3, I'll send you back to Earth to live out the rest of your lives but only under one condition!".
So curiously, the three men ask, "What's the condition?".
The Devil replies, "You must stop doing what you love doing the most". He glares at the Italian guy, "You must stop eating Italian food, if you do, you'll get sent right back here!". He galres at the Jewish guy, "You must stop picking up change off of the street, or you'll be back here as well!". He glares at the Gay guy, "And you! You know what you need to stop doing!".
So the three men get sent back. ...
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An Italian guy, Gay guy, and a Jewish guy all go to hell and the Devil says, "I'll make a deal with you 3, I'll send you back to Earth to live out the rest of your lives but only under one condition!".
So curiously, the three men ask, "What's the condition?".
The Devil replies, "You must stop doing what you love doing the most". He glares at the Italian guy, "You must stop eating Italian food, if you do, you'll get sent right back here!". He galres at the Jewish guy, "You must stop picking up change off of the street, or you'll be back here as well!". He glares at the Gay guy, "And you! You know what you need to stop doing!".
So the three men get sent back. ...
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A man and a woman are sitting at a bar, sipping on their drinks. An hour goes by and the man decides to go over and talk to the woman. He asks the woman, "Now what is a pretty woman like you doing sitting at a bar all alone on a tuesday night?". She tells the man that her husband divorced her today because she was too kinky. The man is awestruck.... he explains that his wife divorced him today for the very same reason. So, they hit it off and after a few drinks together the woman asks the man if he wants to head back to her place. Of course the man obliges, so they go to the womans apartment. After a while the woman tells the man that she'll be right back and goes into the bathroom. She puts on all of her leather gear, grabs her whip and exi...
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The Little Rascals, including Buckwheat were in school one day doing a spelling bee. The teacher calls on Buckwheat.
"Buckwheat, spell the word "dictate."
Buckwheat says, "Dictate. D-I-C-T-A-T-E."
"Very good, Buckwheat, now say it in a sentence." the teacher replies.
He thinks for a minute and says, "My girlfriend says my dictate good!"
Terry C.
"Buckwheat, spell the word "dictate."
Buckwheat says, "Dictate. D-I-C-T-A-T-E."
"Very good, Buckwheat, now say it in a sentence." the teacher replies.
He thinks for a minute and says, "My girlfriend says my dictate good!"
Terry C.
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Alright...the next few jokes are meant for people (like me) who grew up in a small hick town.
Q: How do you circumcise someone from Shelton?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw
Q: What is considered fore-play in Shelton?
A: waking up your sister
Q: What does a girl from Shelton say after having sex?
A: Get off me Pa...you're smashin' my Marbs!!!
Q: How do you circumcise someone from Shelton?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw
Q: What is considered fore-play in Shelton?
A: waking up your sister
Q: What does a girl from Shelton say after having sex?
A: Get off me Pa...you're smashin' my Marbs!!!
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I hope you're not talking from personal experience... 🤣
LOL JK, that's some funny stuff! 😁
LOL JK, that's some funny stuff! 😁
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1. A bartender is busy closing up his bar for the night after last call, when he hears a knock at the back door of the bar. He answers the door, and there's a homeless guy standing there. "Whaddya want?" the bartender asks. "Can you spare a toothpick, please?" the homeless man replies. "Sure, I suppose", and the bartender goes and gets the guy a toothpick. A few minutes later there's another knock at the back door, and it's a different homeless guy asking for another toothpick. Strange request, the bartender thinks to himself, but he goes and gets the guy a toothpick anyway. A few minutes later there's ANOTHER knock at the back door, and this time it's a third homeless man, but this time he asks the bartender for a straw. "A straw??...
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